Category Archives: Blog

Maturity is a constant journey, not an eventual destination. Maturity is having learnt to ask “how have I grown through this painful season”, instead of giving in to questioning “why must I go through this”. It is understanding that it takes intentionality and courage to allow difficult situations to sharpen and shape us.

Focus

Out of a wandering mind.
Away from being idle.
Razor sharp. Not dull.
At tasks, discernment, prayers, intention.

Alert, awake, aware.
Streamlined attention on what matters.
No distractions or excuses.
Hush the noise, worries, hurdles.

Focus.

Training. Taking aim. Getting ready.
Sharpening. Strengthening.
Waiting. Concentrating.
Poised.

A shift in the eyes.
A perk in the mind.
A straightening of the back.
An awakening of heart.

An expectation for more.
Quiet, strong, deep.
Facing reality, vibrant, refreshed.
Praise upon lips.

A focused mind.
A focused spirit.
A focused heart.
A focused life.

Focus.

Don’t Wait, Start.

Don’t wait for a breakthrough to start believing,
start believing and a breakthrough will come.

Don’t wait for inspiration to start creating,
start creating and inspiration will come.

Don’t wait for success to start trying,
start trying and success will come.

Don’t wait for restoration to start forgiving,
start forgiving and restoration will come.

Don’t wait for it to get easy to start enjoying,
start enjoying and it will get easier.

What are you waiting for before you start living the way you’re meant to?

Depth and Weight

Is there depth to the prayers you pray?
Is there weight to the words that you say?
Is there mercy in the way that you love?
Is there grace in the way that you serve?

How effortless it is, from day to day,
Through the humdrum of ordinary ways,
Swimming through the daily motion
With little to no thought or emotion.
No, it isn’t purposeless or mundane
To pray, love, and serve without any gains.

But perhaps deeper meaning can be found,
If we let our pensive roots plunge into the ground —
To source for fresher waters still,
To not just do and say, but to actually feel.
Where mindless doing and thoughtless thinking cease,
To go wild and free before we finally decease.

So let’s not love on empty,
But to pray and serve with empathy.
To find our words surged with burning power
That emboldens, encourages, and empowers.

How we named our Daughters

Our daughters’ names were birthed from a vision I received in 2012, and here’s the story and our hearts for them.

THE VISION

While pregnant with my first child, I was reminded of a vision I had on 21.02.2012. I saw myself high-kneeling in a desert, and I was held at gun point for my faith. It was a familiar sight as I had dreamt of this scene twice in the span of three months, both times jolting up awake with a physical pain in my chest as the trigger was clicked in my dream. So my immediate response when I saw this vision was, “Lord, do You not know that I will give you my ‘Yes’?” I felt like I was Peter being asked for the third time if I loved the Lord.

Just then, my vision expanded and I saw a 10-year-old girl in front of me, and I knew that she was my daughter (though I was not even married or attached at that time). She was standing a distance away from me, looking at me with tears at the brink of her eyes. It wasn’t tears of fear or anxiety, but of a simple peace and hope that seemed to be beaming out of her. But looking at her beautiful face hit me so hard, because how can I say Yes to the Lord and choose to be with Him for eternity, knowing that I’m leaving my child here on Earth? How do I give the Lord my unwavering Yes?

But as I looked into the sandy horizon, I felt the Lord impressing upon my heart that my life is not my own, and thus neither is my child’s. She belongs to the Lord, fully, and I can trust in Him. So with the “Yes” that I struggled to give as I looked into the gracious and forgiving eyes of my girl, I felt my heart lighten in peace and forgiveness for the one who held the trigger in his finger. Just as I thought I had passed this test, the Lord said, “Okay, I hear you. Now, will you live for Me?“. My life changed forever from that vision onwards.

FIRST CHILD: AMARIE

When we were thinking of names in the early months of my first pregnancy, I was reminded of this poignant moment of my life. I felt like we would be naming that girl in my vision if I were to be carrying a girl. We had not found out the gender at that point, but we started our search for names that befitted that teary-eyed courageous girl. We also wanted the name to start with an ‘A’ for the very frivolous reason of it being similar to my name.

The name Amerie came up multiple times, which means “Bravery and power; work ruler.” As much as we loved the sound of the name, the meaning of being a “work ruler” did not sit right, and writing out the name felt awkward as I felt like I was about to spell out ‘America’. (Haha) But we waited upon it and continued our hunt because we weren’t about to settle!

And one fine day (as we would have it), we found a variation of that name – Amarie. I clicked on it, and my spirit soared as I read the meaning… Amarie means “Gracious under adversity“.

How did such a meaning of a name ever exists? I mean, I was completely in awe of the depth of its meaning and how appropriately it described that girl in my vision, and the daughter we hope to raise; that she would be gracious, so so gracious even when she’s under adversity. It blew my mind.

SECOND CHILD: ARILYN

So when we conceived again, almost exactly two years after, I was reminded of this vision and naming journey that the Lord had so graciously brought us through, and knew that He would be the one to name our child again.

We came across the name Arilyn multiple times, and loved the look and sound of it. But we kept putting it aside as we could not find a meaning listed online. It wasn’t until we looked deeper into the name and broke it apart that we found that Ari means “Lion” in Hebrew (אריה/ארי), and Lyn means “Tender” from Old Germanic “lind”, which really grounded us on that essence of meekness and mercy. To be bold and courageous like a lion, and yet to hold that strength and authority in tension with a tenderness within. This is the girl we hope to raise.

This time round, it wasn’t so much of an amazement at the meaning that overwhelmed, but it was the deep sense of shalom peace and unwavering assurance that our Father has so faithfully formed and named our children in accordance to His will and design. He truly knows best, and we can trust in that.

With that, my prayer is that these two daughters of God would grow to be gracious and merciful, that like the Lord, they would be slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love. (Psalm 145:8)

BONUS!

Beyond that, I also find it incredibly exciting that the Lord would scratch my itchy fascination with portmanteaus (a combination of words), and allow our family’s first names to be a beautiful one: Malcolmandamarilyn. Hehe.

A Visitor, or Resident

Seated cuddled between cushions,
your eyes peeled at the door.
You’re hoping for a visitor, or resident even,
but you’re sorely, uncertain.
The air around feels cool but cozy,
and you’ve got your toes wrapped up beneath.
You hold your breath as you hear its steps,
will it be good, or bad, or ugly.

If fear comes knocking and ringing,
may you find the courage to look through the peep hole.
If disappointment slowly enters in,
may your doormat welcome it with grace to grow.
If anger storms and shakes your rattling gate,
may your frame hold firm with truth.
And if loneliness comes to keep you company,
may you know you’re still safely held, well under your roof.

But when love finally comes to stay and bloom,
may your worthy doors be flung wide open.
When hope appears at your windowsills,
may your curtains be drawn wide as bright light spills.
When hearty laughter vibrates through the corridor,
may you chuckle and give from your very core.
And when you find faith standing boldly on your living room floor,
may you welcome it with a sweet warm drink, and quickly shut the door.

Exploring Embroidery

I’ve always wanted to try my hand at embroidery, and finally got down to it earlier this year with three mini projects – teachers’ day gifts, and two small pouches as birthday gifts to my precious precious friends.

After much research on the different types of stitches and embroidery techniques, I decided to go with a simple design that only required back stitch, stem stitch, and that leafy cross stitch. Drew the designs on my iPad, and traced it onto the cloth with a random black pen (I should probably get washable ink for future projects).

I think I’m most satisfied with the line art design on the small pouch, probably because the lines are the most well spaced out. I think I drew the other designs too closely so there wasn’t much space to stitch the actual product. Lesson learnt!

But anyway, just documenting it here for keep sake! (:

Teachers’ Day Gifts

Small Pouch (Line art)

Small Pouch (Calligraphy)

Labour and Delivery of Baby (at Mt Alvernia, Singapore)

So I’m no expert of labour or delivery, since I’ve only had one child, and every child and pregnancy is super different on every perspective and proportion. But I thought to share some important things that helped me through my first delivery, while I prepare myself mentally for my second baby due in 1 months time! EEEEE~!!!

Signs of Labour

There are three main signs of labour: contractions, bloody show, and water bag break. There are just so many things to understand and know about the labour process, and I’d recommend reading this comprehensive article.

  1. Contractions
    • After reading the above linked article, the most important thing to know is when to go into the hospital. From my experience and what I’ve read:
      • Be ready when your contractions get stronger, shorter in intervals, and longer in duration consistently.
      • At what point of contractions do you go into the hospital? For first baby, go with the 4-1-1 rule, and for second baby onwards, go with the 5-1-1 rule. Which means regular, painful contractions at 4/5 minute intervals (from start of one contraction to the start of next contractions), each contraction lasting 1 minute, for over a 1 hour duration.
    • I’d recommend using the contraction timer on the Baby Center app. Download the app (Apple/Google), click on Tools, then Contraction Timer. Click Start Timing when you feel a contraction coming on, let it peak and drop till you’re comfortable again, then click Stop Timing. Repeat this for every contraction. You will have a record of Length (duration), Time apart (interval), and exact timings; as well as an average in the last hour at the bottom. This is what you will be looking out for to apply the above 4-1-1 or 5-1-1 rule.
    • Personal Experience: For my first baby, I started having contractions at about 1.30am, timed it till 3am. Within that 1.5 hours, contractions were getting closer and stronger, and was at about 6 minute intervals with 1 minute duration. So we decided to go in to the hospital at that point. Clearly, it wasn’t quite a 4-1-1 rule situation, but we figured 6-1-1.5 was close enough, hahah.
  2. Bloody Show
    • This sounds scary, but it really isn’t. In fact, it’s quite normal. It’s basically discharge with a tinge of blood when your mucus plug (or what looks like a blob of thick mucus) comes out, and it’s your body telling you, “get ready, momma!!”. You may not have contractions at this point, and there’s no urgency to rush to the hospital. But if there’s a lot of blood like your usual period, call your doctor immediately.
    • No personal experience on this, but I’ve a friends who had bloody show, and only went into the hospital 2 days – 1 week later.
  3. Water Bag Break
    • Again, I don’t have experience with this, and I kinda hope I don’t cause this does scare me. But apparently, if the break isn’t obvious with a big gush of water, sometimes it can feel like a steady trickle of pee down your leg. Which feels so embarrassing, haha!
    • But if your water bag does break, go in to the hospital immediately. Don’t wait. I do know of some mummies who still take a shower and eat a snack before going in, but doctor’s advise is: go in immediately. So take your pick? Haha.

Upon Arrival at Mt Alvernia Hospital

I can’t speak for other hospitals, but this was what happened for me at Mt Alvernia. If you’re delivering at Mt Alvernia, here’s a great guide on the hospital’s maternity facilities and procedures.

Once you arrive at the hospital, go to Medical Centre A. The nurses will offer a wheelchair if you’re in active labour, you may choose to walk if you prefer. Go up to Level 3, delivery ward.

Present your admission form to the front desk nurse, and inform her of your contraction duration and intervals. The nurses at the counter will assess if you’re in active labour or not. You may be advised to return home if you’re not in active labour yet. Which is probably a good thing because if you get checked in, and you lay in there for more than a day, you get charged extra $$. So just go home, and lay in bed for free. Haha.

In the Delivery Ward

Once I was admitted into the delivery ward, I was strapped onto the CTG machine to check your contractions and a fetal heart rate monitor, given laxatives to clear my bowels (super effective, oh my), and had an IV line injected into my hand (hated this). My gynae came in to examine me, and proceeded to break my water bag. A catheter was also inserted to maintain an empty bladder, cause I wasn’t allowed to walk around anymore. I was given oxytocin to help expedite the dilation of my cervix as I was only at 1cm when warded, but it also caused the contractions to be stronger and closer in duration. I would not recommend taking oxytocin if you’ve a choice, unless it’s super critical.

From there, it was just a waiting game for dilation. In theory, my gynae said that dilation is about 1cm per hour. But in actuality, it was more like 10cm in 10 hours, which was somewhat true for us:

  • 1am+: Contractions started
  • 3.45am: in delivery ward
  • 4am: 1cm (super slow dilation at the start)
    • The nurses kept advising me to take epidural, but I did not want to until I had to. Reason being that I just wanted to feel what contractions felt like, haha. I’d say that each contraction is actually bearable with proper breathing techniques and a relaxed mind. What I kept thinking through each contraction was, “just relax and let your body do what its created to do“, that was pretty helpful. But what broke my will was my super slow dilation and physical exhaustion, so I decided to take the epidural in the end because I didn’t wanna pass out with fatigue before pushing, and end up with a C-Sect, haha!
  • 9am: 4cm (I took Epidural at this point)
    • Was pretty anxious about this earlier on because of how the procedure sounded, but honestly I did not feel the needle at all despite the doctor attempting to insert in three times because I kept shaking/moving from the contractions. But yeah, I was a jellyfish from tummy to toes there after, and slept all the way until it was time to push cause I was so exhausted from a night without rest.
    • Also, note that it takes the doctor 30-45min to get to you upon request for epidural, and another 30min for it to take effect. So don’t wait too long if you’re in too much pain.
  • 12pm+: 7cm (sudden 3cm dilation)
  • 1pm+: 10cm (TIME TO PUSHHHH!)
    • At Mt Alvernia, the nurses will prep you very quickly, then instruct you to practice pushing before it’s really time for birthing. Once it is prime time, they will ask you to push for 10 seconds once the contraction is at its peak. They will count 1 to 10 for you while you bear down and push. Remember to engage your abs muscles and pushhhhh!
  • 1.44pm: Baby came out!

After Delivery 

Once baby pops, papa cuts umbilical cord, and baby gets the preliminary checks, you will get skin-to-skin time with baby. Honestly, I was not overwhelmed with emotions or felt a great love for my girl. Instead, I just could not even wrap my head around the fact that this baby is mine!!! Haha. But I really enjoyed cuddling her, nursing her, and slowly getting to know this stranger that’s been growing inside of me.

While doing so, your placenta gets removed, and you get cleaned up from all the blood, gunk, and beautiful mess from child birthing.

Total Expenditure in 2019

I’m not sure if this will be helpful info, but I really wanted to know how much other parents were spending for their whole pregnancy and delivery. So I thought I’d share the summary breakdown of our estimated expenditure for our first child.

  • Pre Natal Check-Ups w discounted package ($1300): $3887.14
  • Hospital Deposit: $2259
  • Hospital Fee after medisave, discounts: $3902.17
  • Post Natal Check-Ups: $131.58
  • Baby Check-Ups: $179.76
  • Total Spent: $10,359.65 (after Medisave claimable: $3,050 + $1,350 & t Alvernia Card discount of $80. The actual total was $14,839.65)