(This article was first published on SELAH.sg on 15 February 2014.)
Who has God in store for you?
We were all cramped in my friend’s living room, snuggled on the sofa, with cushions on our laps. It had became a bi-weekly routine to stay-over at each other’s homes. The lazy nights would stretch into hazy mornings, and we would often end up talking about the criteria of our ideal partners amongst other topics.
My friends knew me to be the one who would ask invasive and frequently awkward questions like: “what do you look for in a your ideal partner?”, “who would be the closest match to your ideal person?”, “who was the last person you liked?” Growing up, I was fascinated with the idea of love and romance, and I longed to know more.
We were all at the age where the idea of getting into a relationship was intriguing and exciting. It was unchartered territory, like new ground waiting to be broken. It was a topic that we never grew tired of talking about, in fact, every conversation grew in depth and heart.
Yet beyond the idea of romance, something ran deeper for me — The List.
Although I was always the one asking questions about my friends’ ideal persons, I had never really believed in coming up with a list of ideal characteristics. Because to me, that was ideal…unrealistic at best. I felt that the list was a mere construction, not something I should live by. I didn’t see the need for and importance of that list, until my uncle spoke to me one fateful December night.
He asked me: “so my dear girl, what do you look for in a guy?” I explained that I never saw a need in crafting long, idealistic lists of things. What’s the point anyway? It’s not like I’m going to find someone that perfect. He, in turn, explained the importance of it, and it actually made sense. I was wrong.
The point of a list isn’t meant for you to dream of prince charming (or princess, but for convenience sake, the male species will be addressed as the ideal person), but it is to draw you closer to God, to gain clarity of His desires for you.
Here are three steps to knowing who you should be looking out for:
1. Pray and wait on God for The List
2. Be accountable
3. Keep a look-out whilst staying focused on God
The beauty of praying and waiting on God for the list is that instead of the criteria bring centred around selfish and personal desires, they’ll be centred around the Father’s desires for you. The criteria can range from his calling to the specificity of his personality, from his looks to his habits. They are secrets which God will whisper to you over time, in His gracious attempt to help you look out for the type of person He intends for you.
Step 1 could take awhile, maybe longer than you expect. In fact, I’ve been seriously praying about it for about a year and a half now, and I’ve only got five things on my list. It is very crucial to keep in mind that the motive behind seeking God about this list is not to jot down what you want, but to write down what He wants for you. So wait on Him, He’ll reveal it to you.
The list does not merely contain the criteria of your future partner though, it should include what God wants in you for him as well. Pray and wait on God for what He is doing in you. It could be boundaries He wants you to keep, the moulding and shaping of your personality, or a change in your bad habits. As much as God is preparing a guy for you, He is also preparing you for him too.
Once you have got one or a few things written down, commit to God and sustain it in prayer. It is good to write it down, and if need be, share it with a close friend of the same gender. Having an accountability partner keeps you dedicated to your prayers and helps to build spiritual support. There is nothing quite like a friend who journeys with you.
When you have gained a clearer idea of what God has for you, it will keep you focused on looking out for a guy that God wants for you; instead of getting distracted by any handsome face or kind-hearted soul. Because ultimately, as much as love brings us joy and all that warm and fuzzy feelings, marriage is for and about God. So keep your eyes and heart on the one true Lover, and trust in His timing for you.
Wait. True love waits, and surely, the wait is worth it.
byamandagrace 